OBITUARY – Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain:
Why the early bird gets the worm:
Life isn’t always fair:
Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies, don’t spend more than you can earn and adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 step brothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I’m A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! .. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.’
The lady can’t take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!" She retorted indignantly.
'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!”
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ’ Mississippi ’..
Day in day out I tell myself that I don’t study the Bible enough…it’s a fact, I don’t! What’s crazy is I wasn’t brought up this way!! My parents became Adventists right before I was born. They gave up everything and invested in their children, sending all four of their children to an Adventist church school up to high school. So it’s no excuse for me to not know every major story in the Bible. As I participate in Bible Bowl, it’s an opportunity for me to refresh on things I’ve learned and thought I forgot but didn’t really?! Whether my team makes it or not to Nationals isn’t as big of an issue to me, but at least I’ll be closer to God!
“The University of Central Florida now ranks among the nation’s top research institutions, according to an independent analysis released today. The Carnegie Foundation for Teaching and Learning designated UCF as a university with “very high”—UCF Researchers Join Harvard, MIT in Top National Ranking